Why Are Only 8% of Women Ready for Retirement?

Women control 51% of the wealth in America. I was shocked and pleased to hear that and yet many, many women I talk with aren't planning soon enough or saving anywhere enough for retirement. Instead what I observe is that women often don't want to think about retirement. And, while I understand, retirement going to be here sooner than we'd like to imagine.

Women are working very hard in their businesses, caring for their children, their families (including elderly parents). Who has the time to consider and plan how to make their money work for them?  When I'm coaching women in business I assess how much income they're earning, if they feel they're charging enough (often not), how their spending is, the amount of debt they are carrying and whether they have a 401(k) or other investment vehicle. 

Here are three things women need to do. And remember: "A man is not an retirement plan." Deborah Price, Money Magic

1) Just Start an investment account. The earlier the better. "For the first time, women in the work force full time are just as likely to have access to a 401(k) as men and their participation rate is as high as we've seen." Catherine Collinson, president, Transamerica Center for Retirement Studies. (Modesto Bee 2-5-2012)

2) Know what you'll need to replace your income in retirement and maintain your lifestye. Google retirement calculator, pick one and plug in social security, other income and expenses. This exercise is not as fun as going shopping, but when you're 75 and either don't want to work or are unable to, all those shoes or beauty products you're buying today aren't going to keep you warm or add to your income. But the $50.00 a automatically deducted each and every month can and will.

3) Take more risks. Women don't often take investment risks. I'm financially conservative myself, yet we want our money to work as hard for us as we've worked to obtain it. Women still only earn 78 cents on the dollar compared to men. We take time off to have children or caretake others. The really savvy women I know do take calculated risks. One of my friends has been a real estate investor for 30 years and built quite a retirement fund for herself. Here's to you taking charge of your money today so it works for you tomorrow!!

Money, The Super Bowl & Gotta Have A Big Screen TV!

Television companies LOVE Super Bowl Month. That's when 4.5 million of you bought new big screen TV sets in 2011, which was up from 3.6 million in 2010. Now, here's the question: If you're impulsively buying a new TV this season, are you more likely to use credit or pay cash? And, which part of your brain do you think is in charge of this decision - your logical neocortex or your more emotional midbrain? And why could the latter be a huge problem? (Well, not for the credit card companies.)

Before I answer those questions, think about this:  *"Would you rather have $15 in two weeks or $20 in four weeks?" According to fMRI brain imaging scans taken while the person is pondering, this question lights up your prefrontal cortex because it asks you to project into the future. But this next question:  "Would you rather have $15 now or $20 in 2 days?" shows that the logical ignores that question and the primitive brain lights up. This is why we get into big trouble as consumers. If we want something and we want it NOW we will have it. Just CHARGE IT, right?

Of course we all know that consumer debt is a problem that creates strife and struggle. For you Cpa’s or Financial Advisors this piece around emotional decisions vs. logical is key when you’re advising your clients to save and invest in their future. Saving for the future is a prefrontal logical decision. Unfortunately, the emotional brain is all too often in charge.  We all know of someone (cough, cough) who know they SHOULD be saving for their future or be adding money into their 401K. But the immediate reward of NOW wins out. 

To help keep your logical brain in charge of major decisions, Dr. Krueger says to avoid making important money decisions when you're emotional or too tired, wait and sleep on big decisions and have a plan that you STICK to. There's an acronym from 12 Step Programs: HALT: which means to avoid getting too hungry, angry, longely or tired because these are vulnerable states of mind. 

(*from The Secret Language of Money, David Krueger, M.D.) 

Widow Alert: A Man Is Not a Retirement Plan & Social Security is No Savior!

My coach and mentor Deborah Price of The Money Coaching Institute in Petaluma, CA says that most widows are out of money within 5 years. Whew!! Frightening. She also says: "A Man is not a retirement plan." As a Money Coach I talk to women every day who avoid the topic of retirement, or the subject of money in general. I understand, I used to be one of those women!!

But life can provide rude awakenings so please read on and I'll share a true story with you:  I was at a party and got to talking to a woman about money because she asked me what I do. Glenda (name changed) told me that she’s now 75. When she was 59 her husband died unexpectedly at 66. She called Social Security to find out about her benefits as she assumed she would receive 70% of his monthly amount and was shocked to find out that for each month she was NOT 65 Social Security deducted ½% of his total. She ended up receiving 40%, a very different amount than she had planned on or needed to live the comfortable lifestyle they had together. (Note: I've since talked to a really sharp financial advisor and she's investigating whether it's possible for her to now change and take her own SS benefits over her husbands).

I have a friend who just lost her husband, again unexpectedly. He was 72 and she’s 47. They have no children so she will only receive a $250.00 death benefit and has no right to any of his social security. I know he thought she’d be fine when he went. But, she no longer has his income which amounted to most of their monthly income.

The moral of these stories?  Know what Social Security will and will not provide, make sure you have life insurance, (my 47 year old friends husband did not) and have a financial advisor calculate out the amount of money you will need per month to maintain at least 75% of your income. Start an automatic savings program and find a good financial advisor in your area. Ask around and if you're a woman in business try to find a good female adviser. Losing a husband is a huge loss and financial problems complicate everything. Start thinking about and planning not only the IDEAL retirement, but for the worse-case scenarios and you'll be ok financially.

What Money Secrets Do You Keep from Your Spouse?

Shh.... Did you tell your spouse or partner how much you really spent for Christmas? What would they say if they knew? What other money secrets do you keep? Do you have a secret credit card hidden away for those little shopping sprees? Do you shop and then sneak the packages into the house when he's not home? Do you gamble with the boys and tell your wife you spent $50.00 when it was really $200.00? Do you have a secret savings account just for your own emergencies? This behavior is called financial infidelity, a term coined by Brad & Ted Klontz, authors of Mind Over Money, and it means "deliberately and surreptitiously keeping a major secret about one's spending or finances from one's partner."

Money secrets are powerful. And, we come by keeping our secrets in part because we're not taught to talk about money, much less tell the truth about it. The other part often comes from watching how our parents behaved with money. If not talking or telling the truth about money causes such problems, why do we do it? According to the Klontz's it stems from trust issues rooted in chidhood as we observe our parents. Good questions to ask to explore this for yourself: How did my parents act with money? Did they keep secrets from each other? How did I know? Most couples start lying about their spending to avoid conflict. Understandable, but unfortunately avoidance doesn't solve problems.

Money is the #1 stressor and source of conflict for most couples. I know it was for my husband and I for many years. Well, it was and it wasn't. We didn't talk about it except when he was reconciling the check book. Or, when he would try to talk with me about money and I'd either burst into tears or get angry and push him away. Neither one of these reactions was an effective way to solve whatever financial situation was up. 

Change requires doing something different. Here are a few things to get you started. 1) Make a date to talk with your partner and establish that the talk is a safe place to tell the truth. 2) Discuss what money means to you 3) Share what your memories are of how your parents were with money and how that's affected you as an adult. Keep the discussion going and be supportive rather than angry or blaming.

Women - Get Your Money House In Order for 2012

Money is power and women are taught to be nice, not powerful. Really. Think about that. From the time we're little girls we're taught to think about others and to override our own feelings for the sake of someone else's. Boys are taught to win and compete and they feel very comfortable with that. Personally, I believe we women can be powerful AND nice.

In order to get your Money House in Order for 2012 first identify one or two mistakes you've been making with money. Here are a few to pick from. Try to be objective and don't blame yourself. The powerful stance is to take responsibility, learn from our mistakes and make new decisions to take new action this coming year.

Mistakes Women Make with Money:

1) Spend Unconsciously: Piddle money away on things like Starbucks, another pair of shoes, fast food.

Money House in Order Power Tip:  Get a small notebook or on a SmartPhone use the Note function and track every single expenditure over the next 30 days. Eye-opening. 

2) Take Care of Others Before Take Care of Self Financially: How many times have you (to be nice) given money to your adult children, boyfriends, partners, parents, people in need rather than save more of it for your future?  

Money House in Order Power Tip: Consider that most women don't have enough money to live comfortably in retirement, especially single women. Give, but give consciously and sometimes giving to adult children is financial enabling and hurts rather than truly helps.  

3) Overspend or Overshop to Cope with Anxiety, Stress or Just Because:  Women waste so much money on things they don't need. "A need is replacing something that's worn out. A want is everything else." ( Peggy Gardiner, Professional Organizer)  It's fun to shop. I get it. But, stay conscious of the immediate pleasure vs. how your money needs to work for you over the long term.

Money House in Order Power Tip: If you tend to shop when feeling anxious or stressed take a PAUSE to think rather than shop out of habit. During this pause take 10 breaths.  Ask yourself - what do I really need? Time, relaxation, listening to, fun, pleasure?  What are other ways I can satisfiy this? How much can I really afford to spend? What's the most powerful thing I can do with this money?  

Here's to you getting your money house in order in 2012 and as a result feeling and being more powerful with your financial choices.  Remember, you can be nice and powerful.  For fun, take the Money Type Quiz on this page - it's free.

Overspending and Overeating – Can You Ever Get Enough?

Overspending and Overeating: Can you ever get enough? No, not to "make you happy, except temporarily." Did you overspend or overeat during the Holidays? More than usual? Are you not surprised to learn that these two behaviors often go together in the same female? “Compulsive shopping or spending can be a seasonal balm for the depression, anxiety and lonelineness during the December holiday season.”(Professor Ruth Engs, RN, EdD, Indiana University)

We may laugh at the term Shopoholics, and it was treated lightly in the movie by the same name. But overspending, like overeating, can be as serious a problem as any of the “isms” such as alcoholism. How much is enough when it comes to spending and eating and what exactly are we trying to accomplish with our indulgences? Pick your answer: To be social, to have fun, to avoid or distract ourselves from uncomfortable feelings, to feel better? The first two choices can be guilt free, the third one gets us in trouble because it works only temporarily. Then? We compulsively repeat the behavior, hoping to feel better, or to get high, to avoid all those uncomfortable feelings that come up in life.

Gently ask yourself these questions. They’re meant to help you understand more about your eating and spending:

Did you throw all rules for how much to eat or a spending budget out the window and really overindulge? If so, are you feeling guilt or remorse? Or wondering how to get back on track? Do you have other ways to soothe uncomfortable feelings that don’t have a downside – such as exercise, talking to a friend who’ll tell you the truth, journaling, yoga, a coach or counselor?

Overeating and overspending are behaviors that often go together. Here are suggestions to start the New Year off right, get back on track and have a more conscious Holiday season in 2012:

1)    Gently take responsibility for the overindulgences: Tally up the weight gain and amount of money owed.

2)    Make a realistic plan – A) How much weight am I going to lose by what date? 1 pound a week is realistic – avoid drastic diet loss programs – they don’t work long term. B) What amount of money can I put toward paying off my credit cards each month? C) How will I hold myself accountable? For weight – have an accountability partner, join Weight Watchers or Food Addicts Anonymous? For debt – take a financial awareness course like Dave Ramsey, or speak with a money coach (like myself). 

3)    Understand that the drivers of compulsivity are often feelings. Feelings of anxiety, depression, STRESS that are normal parts of life. Learn to go into those feelings safely, preferably daily. An easy to use guide is TARA (Touch, Accept, Release, Action) available as a FREE download at www.coachingformodesto.com on right side of page. (from Intentional JOY: How to Turn Stress, Fear & Addiction into Freedom 2009)  

Money Fears – 4 Tips for How to Accept, Release & Feel Better Now!

Psychology Today contributor Joan DiFuria, who writes a column called Affluence Intelligence, states that in 2000 Silicon Valley was birthing 64 millionaires a day. Today? Not many. A decade ago, we were so affluent that a new term “Sudden Wealth Syndrome” was coined. Yet, we also realized that wealth doesn’t necessarily make one happy. But as Woody Allen says, “It’s better than poverty.”

We’re just as obsessed with money these days, but it’s fear and anxiety about not having enough money. We have fear about losing our job, fear about ever finding a job again. Fear about paying the bills, and for some, fear about having enough to eat. And, of course this month, anxiety about Christmas!!

Fear is as much a contagion as the flu. It spreads through the air getting absorbed through the pores of the skin and inhaled into the lungs. Before you know it, the anxiety of those around you has permeated your world. Their worry becomes your worry. Every time the news broadcasts a new financial disturbance in the world, it adds to your sense of pending doom. You may feel disoriented, off-center, unsure of yourself. What can you do?

First, realize that fear is an emotion fueled by our thoughts. It’s not necessarily the truth. We either increase the power fear has over us by focusing on it and following the awful spiral downward or we use strategies to break the cycle and support more neutral or positive thinking.  Rick Hanson, author of The Buddha Brain states that the brain is Velcro for negative thoughts and Teflon for positive. By its very nature, the way we think tends to be negative and critical. So, let’s give ourselves a break and take action to feel better.

Here are 4 Strategies I use and teach to shift to quickly feel better. 1) First, just acknowledge the feeling briefly. “I’m angry, sad, depressed, etc.”  2) Breathe INTO the feeling with an attitude of “Come on in,” for about 90 seconds. Jill Bolte Taylor, PhD, a neuroscientest who rebuilt her brain after a stroke, "says it takes only 90 seconds of feeling the emotion caused by a negative event before the body finishes processing its stress.” 3) Re-focus your thoughts onto more positive events and this is where the old “What are you grateful for comes in.”  List 3 things you’re grateful for. And, this is my favorite: 4) Laugh – for 90 seconds. Come on – In the car or when you get up in the morning. You’ll probably start off feeling like a dork, but try it, you’ll be amazed.  None of these strategies change the situation you’re facing, but they change how you feel and think so you can cope better!!

Women: 5 Steps to Get Money House in Order for 2012

If you're self-employed, an entrepreneur or career oriented you've got to get your money house in order.  I know, I know, it's nearly Christmas and you're crazy busy. But, I want to plant an important business seed for 2012 because it'll be here in ten seconds.  

In order to make the most money, have less stress, and achieve your full potential (financial is part of that) and have fun along the way, here are 5 Money things you need to do in 2012.*

1) Get Your Money House in Order:  Assess what's working well financially and what the challenges are. For example, let's start with the basics.  Are you making enough money? No? What do you think/feel are the 3 main reasons for this? Be careful about blaming the economy. I know it's a factor, but I also know many businesses that are booming - mine included.

2)  Know your Money Story: Especially if you're struggling to get to the next level financially and you keep bumping up against the same obstacle or stuck place. I can guarantee you that there's a hidden emotional piece in your history. Yesterday, while going through The Money History with a client, she realized that her "make do and settle" pattern came from resistance to becoming like her mother. A huge ah-ha.

3) Write down your goals for 2012. If you're self-employed and you have a goal of earning $25,000 or $50,000 net income a year, how many clients will it take each week and month to bring in that amount of money. The more specific you are (a spreadsheet is handy) the easier it will be to achieve. Look at your goals each day, visualize the end result as if it's already happened. Then take action each and every day.

4) Realize that you have a RELATIONSHIP with money. As Suze Orman says and I'm paraphrasing: "Women don't show the same care to their relationship with money, as with other relationships, because they don't have a dysfunctional relationship with money. What are your money dysfunctions: Overspending, debt, avoiding, underearning, not respecting your money so you don't take good care of it?  Identify THE major dysfunction and conquor it this year.

 5) Grow your Wealth: One of the biggest money mistakes I see women make (and I used to also) is to not grow their wealth. Women give too much time, energy and MONEY away to others - primarily children. If they don't they feel guilty. More money comes to us as we learn to respect it, take care of it, grow it. If you haven't started a retirement account or savings account (for emergencies - $1,000 minimum) make it a goal to start this year.

 *If you're in Modesto or close by check out my 2012 4 hour Business Strategy Session for Women). I do this workshop every year and at the end we do a Vision Board with your Goals and Action Steps for 2012)

How to Have Less Holiday Stress & More JOY & Love

The Holidays are here, the Holidays are here!! Running as fast as you can yet? Having fun or exhausted already? We look forward to THE HOLIDAYS (many of us-not all) and yet when they get here, we're too pooped to really enjoy them. As Geneen Roth (Women, Food & God) writes, "Passion, strength, and joy cannot take root in exhausted, burdened, half-dead bodies."

What to do? 1) Take a breath. Better yet, take 10. As you do so, really notice your lungs, your belly and your feet. This brings you into your body. When we're stressed or anxious because our "TO DO" list is overwhelming us, we become more stressed by not paying attention to the needs of our body. Remember, your body is doing all the heavy-lifting of Holiday work. If you give it a little TLC, the dividends will allow you to move through the holidays much more gracefully.

What, do you ask, are the needs of your body? Enough rest - sure go to the parties, but not every night. Take a break one night and sit and wrap packages, or do a little baking, and get to bed at a reasonable time. Notice the energy differnce the next day.

2) Try this Holiday Anxiety Buster. Just before you go to sleep each night name at least 1 thing that went well that day. Come on....you can find one. What usuaully happens is that more positive experiences come to mind. A much better way to go off to dreamland.

3) More Love and appreciation equal less stress because love naturally turns on the body's feel good chemicals like oxytocin (the nurturing hormone), or dopamine. If you give love, you also receive love.  How many hugs can you give to needy people today? Mark Victor Hanson, of the Chicken Soup series, says humans need 12 hugs a day for maintenance. I invite and challenge you to give hugs away, especially if you're feeling depleted.  Wouldn't it be great to see someone at the mall with a sign reading: "Free Hugs?"

The point of all this is, if you stay more aware of what you and your body need and actively do stress busting activities you'll experience less stress and more JOY & Love than if you don't. You deserve it. Happy Holidays from my heart to yours.  

Stop Holiday Overspending Stress

The Holidays can be loads of fun and terrifically stressful. For women, it's all the extra work to do; shopping, wrapping, parties to plan, cooking and family to be around that may trigger old feelings.

To cope with stressful feelings, some women shop more, spend more and eat more. (Yes, women also overeat to cope with stress.)

Do you love to shop and buy? Are the Holidays a great excuse to do so? Notice if you can relate to these questions and please don't beat yourself up if you do.1) Do you overspend or overshop frequently? 2) Overspend though you can't afford to? 3) Do you shop, buy or overspend as the major way to deal with negative feelings like anxiety, anger, lonliness?  Remember this, you're not alone.

According to experts on you may be suffering from Compulsive Buying Disorder*. Though only a small percentage of the population has the actual disorder and I view addictive behaviors on a continuum (imagine a straight  line across the page) with one end of the continuum those that have no compulsive spending or addictive shopping issues and the other end those whose lives are unmanageable. If you're at the extreme end you're experiencing things like relationship problems (because of debt or money behaviors), money problems, or work issues.  You probably also feel a lot of guilt, but don't know how to stop the behavior. For those that fit here, take a breath, and please deal with the problem, because it's not going to go away. There are therapists online, online support groups and therapists in your area. Use google or ask friends.

For those of you in the middle of the continuum that relate to overspending due to stress or the pressures of the holidays here are a couple things you can do.  1)  Look at money available in your checking or savings account. 2) Make a list of who you're going to buy for and use only the budgeted amount. 3) Stick to the list and take it with you when you go shopping. 4) Try to shop early in the day when your energy is good. 5) If you need to, take a friend with you that knows you're trying to stick to a budget. And, remember, changing behavior requires practice.  Happy Holidays and you can email me at lynntelfordsahl@gmail.com to let me know how you do.

*Uncontrolled Spending: A Clinician’s Guide to Compulsive Buying Ronald J. Faber, University of Minnesota