Aug 30 2010

Eat, Pray, Love – Pleasure Vs. Entertainment

italian-foodI am a movie buff and went to see Eat, Pray, Love with a couple of good friends Sunday. In the movie, “Liz,” played by Julia Roberts, goes to Italy to eat (a great past time). An Italian barber says to her, (I’m paraphrasing) “Americans know entertainment but they know nothing about pleasure. You work too much during the week, get burned out and lay around all weekend watching TV. That is not pleasure. You feel guilty, that you don’t deserve to have pleasure unless you have earned it. And, you don’t know how to be.”

How perfectly the barber captured why we Americans obsessively turn to “lite” addictions like the internet, Facebook, hours of TV, or 3 glasses of wine when one would be more satisfying if fully enjoyed. We’re trying to escape the stress and anxiety of so much to do, and we don’t treat the root cause – a growing sense of disconnection from ourselves and each other.

What’s the difference between entertainment and pleasure? Pleasure is defined by Webster’s as “a feeling of enjoyment or delight.” When I think of pleasure, I think of involvement – eating with friends, making love, gardening – not as a task to get done, but for the enjoyment of our hands in the dirt, smelling the air and the flowers.

garden-hammock-woman“Lite” addictions temporarily distract us from the craziness of the demands of life, but is that enough? Take a few deep breaths, spend a few moments defining the pleasures of your life and how to create more time for “delight and enjyment.” I’m heading out to the backyard to my hammock.

Ah….

Aug 09 2010

Try Amino Acids for Anxiety or Depression

brain-and-alcoholNo surprise many addicted folks are anxious, depressed or stressed and self-medicating with their drug or food of choice. I discovered I suffered from anxiety while giving a client an anxiety assessment. As I scored the clients responses, I mentally checked off and scored my own. Momentarily shocked, I realized the pit in my stomach that was so normal was anxiety based. (*For quiz & treatment see From Panic to Power by Lucinda Bassett)

I wanted natural, rather than pharmaceutical treatment for myself and clients and discovered the power of  amino acid supplementation for mild to moderate anxiety and depression. Amino acids are naturally occurring substances in the body that we (especially anyone with an addiction) can become deficient in. I love them because, unlike many prescription drugs, they do not have side effects other than a mild headache if the dosage is too high. If that occurs, drink lots of water and take Vitamin C to flush it quickly out of system. Amino acids are best taken on a empty stomach. They are available at health food stores. If you’re a health care practitioner you may purchase them wholesale through Infinity Health (800) 733-9293.

Here are my top 3 suggestions:

GABA: Take if anxious or stressed. (*See Julia Ross’s Mood Cure or Diet Cure books)

Recommended dosage one 500 mg. capsule on empty stomach. (Can take 2 or 3X a day or at night if having trouble getting to, or staying asleep.)

5 HTP : For  mild to moderate anxiety or depression. Helps sleep and can lessen addictive cravings. Improves serotonin functioning in brain. (Important: Do not take if currently using an anti-depressant.)

Recommended Dosage: One-three 50 mg. capsules on empty stomach during afternoon or at bedtime. (Try 1 capsule first) (See Julia Ross’s Mood Cure or Diet Cure books)

P.S. Very helpful for the 3:00 – 5:00 p.m.  low-energy dip or if you have afternoon sugar or carb cravings. Serotonin levels are lowest in the late afternoon which is why cravings get more intense then.

aminoacidsL-Theanine: Amino acid found in green tea.

Supports mental calmness, focus and relaxation. Dr. John Gray suggests 200-400 mg 2-3X a day, as needed. He says taken at bedtime it melts away stress.

RESOURCES

Dr. Gray: Just released Venus on Fire, Mars on Ice)

Julia Ross: The Mood Cure or The Diet Cure

(* Disclaimer: I am not a doctor and am not prescribing any supplementation. Please take responsibility and be an informed consumer. Do your own research – see resources above)

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Jul 19 2010

Fat or Skinny: No One Appreciates Weight Comments

4988-Agitated-Woman-Pointing-Her-Finger-At-Someone-ClipartI was at the health food store recently and bumped into an acquaintance who said, “You’re so thin, are you ok?” I gritted my teeth to hold back a flash of anger, then said as nicely as I could, “I don’t really like my weight being commented on.”  She looked a little shocked. A friend of mind behind the counter piped in and said, “People used to tell me I was too thin and I hated it.” Ah…support. I asked the woman who’d made the comment if she would have said anything about my weight if I’d looked like I’d gained. She said probably not.

What’s my complaint?  As a naturally slender woman I feel both guilty about being so and judged for being “too” thin. Isn’t it interesting that in our culture no woman’s body type is really ok. If a woman has a perfectly shaped body and gets lots of male attention, other women are often jealous and reject her. I’ve heard more than one woman struggling with her weight say, “I got to my perfect weight, but wasn’t comfortable with all the attention I got so I regained.”shapely+woman

We women focus so much time, energy and $$ on trying to deal with, manage and perfect our bodies. Think about thisHow wonderful could our lives be and how much could we make the world a better place if women took 25% of that “waisted” energy and power and re-focused it on more important priorities? As Geneen Roth says, for most women being in the weight struggle becomes comfortable. To let go of the struggle can feel very UNcomfortable, but eventually we can get used to peace and happiness by practicing acceptance that rather than stress and struggle. And, please, if you have an opinion about somebody’s weight – keep it to yourself.

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Jun 30 2010

Trauma Fuels Addiction

overweight_woman2Mary, overweight since childhood, was forced to diet from the age of five.  As an adult, whenever she’d get mad, she’d stand at the kitchen counter shoveling in chips and other crunchy foods as fast as she could. In our sessions together, she became aware of the reservoir of anger and humiliation caused by her mother who restricted her food because Mom was fat.

Addiction treatment theory says that whatever age the child started using a substance is the emotional age he or she gets stuck. Doesn’t this make sense? We may be walking around in a 44 year-old body, but inside feel like 5 or 12. Unfortunately, we see lots of grown-ups acting out their anger, sadness, and pain by hurting themselves or others.

Mary didn’t realize it, but she was traumatized by her early experiences of feeling she could have mom’s love only if she was “thinner.” That early trauma and the feelings associated with it set her up to be a food addict.

“All addiction is driven by psychological or emotional issues, particularly a feeling of helplessness or humiliation. Helplessness is the feeling of powerlessness.”  Lance Dodes, M.D., psychiatrist, Harvard Medical School, The Heart of Addiction.

overwhelmTrauma can fuel anxiety, depression and is often the underpinning of self-medicating to try to comfort, nurture or cope with overwhelming feelings.  I worked with women with weight concerns for 13 years and every one of them had difficulties with anxiety or depression.

One treatment approach that is very effective with trauma and anxiety is Emotional Freedom Technique, developed by Gary Craig. (www.emofree.com)  EFT is like psychological acupuncture and is the best technique I’ve ever used to help people safely go into their feelings, release them and feel better. It is NOT a cure for addiction. However, since anxiety and depression fuel cravings, using EFT to heal past trauma and to cope with every day upset or stress is very effective in the recovery process.

Tappingtherapypic

Jun 07 2010

Weapons of Mass Distraction: “Lite” Addictions

fast-foodWe stressed, anxious people love our “weapons of mass distraction*” which are the escapes, comforts and zone-outs we use to cope with stress or make ourselves feel temporarily better. Nothing really wrong with this except these behaviors don’t really solve the problem of stress or upset and can create problems of their own.

A young man I’ll name Brad called to make a counseling appointment by announcing that he was addicted to fast food, shopping and internet porn.  I thought, “Wow, he sounds so American.” Brad was a college student, came from a family background of alcoholism and was stressed and anxious because of school and relationship problems.

Brad wasn’t a full-blown addict in that his behaviors weren’t causing money, job or relationship problems – YET – and he didn’t want them to escalate. What Brad was strugging with was what I call “lite” addictions, which are defined as:  quick fix habits that temporarily smoothe the stress, anxiety and strain of modern life, but don’t lead to the satisfaction, joy or freedom we’re longing for.

Here are some stats on the most prevalent “lite” addictions:

Fast Food: In 1970 Americans spent 6 billion on fast food and in 2001 110 billion (Today about 30% of adults in US are obese)

shopping-addictionShopping – Lane Benson, Ph.d, editor of I Shop Therefore I am states that about 5% of the population are full fledged compulsive shoppers.  A merck family fund poll found that 72% of Americans say people buy things as a substitue for something missing in their lives.

Internet Porn:  Robert Wise, of Sexual Recovery Institute in Los Angeles, says 40 million Americans watch porn during a year and 10 –15% of those are clearly addicted. Porn is a $10 billion industry in US alone.

What I’ve learned from 25 years of working in the addiction field is that most with addictive concerns are trying to reduce pain or increase pleasure. There isn’t any quick fix for addictive concerns. But dealing with the stress, anxiety or upsets of life with bodymind (Candace Pert’s reframe of mindbody – See Molecules of Emotion) strategies such as conscious breathing, dealing with upset feelings regularly rather than avoiding or stuffing makes you feel better, increases your natural feel good chemicals and don’t produce harmful side effects.

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(*Swami Beyondononda or Steve Bharai)

May 21 2010

Addicted to Over-Thinking?

“Positive thoughts are a biological mandate for a happy, healthy life.” Bruce Lipton, The Biology of Belief

runaway+trainOne day I was speeding down the street, yelling at the idiotic drivers everywhere, feeling grumpy and pissed off. (Sound familiar?) “If they would just turn when they’re supposed to, or drive faster…my life would be better.” (Ha) I was selling real estate at the time and knew it wasn’t the job for me. I believed I was unhappy because of all the “other people” who didn’t do their jobs, which made my life more difficult.

But as I was driving that day I had an epiphany – maybe it wasn’t THEM that was making me unhappy. Maybe it was me. More specifically, maybe it had something to do with all the negative thoughts swirling through my brain at any given moment. That was an uncomfortable, but eventually empowering moment.

Dr. Gregg Jacobs, Harvard Ph.D and author of The Ancestral Mind, calls the mind the Thinking Mind. I call it the “Over-Thinking Mind.” Dr. Jacobs says the mind by its nature is critical, controlling and analytical. Buddhists and psychologists call the negative mind the ego and 12 steppers know that acronym means “Edging God Out.”  When we’re caught up in our negative over-thinking mind we’re stressed, on edge, looking for what’s wrong about ourselves and everyone else. What fun.

breathingwomanThankfully, with awareness (always the first step of change) and practice we can help the mind better behave itself and feel greater peace and happiness in the process. This leads to presence which is simply the art of staying with your self (thoughts, feelings, experiences in the moment.)

Here are 5 steps I’ve found helpful to transform negativity and over-thinking:

1)   Become aware when your mind is off and running and dragging you with it. Just notice the angry, blaming, judgmental, or negative thoughts and take a breath or two. This creates space to pay attention to the fact that your mind has hijacked you. (“Those ____ drivers.)

2)   Notice what the mind is saying – without taking it too seriously – be the witness or observer.

3)   Notice any feelings that you’re experiencing – angry, sad, hurt, afraid, guilty. Name them and notice where in the body you experience them. (Again, be the witness vs. the judge)

4)   Take 10 breaths into the part of your body you identified or into your belly.  Notice any changes in how you feel now. (Paradoxically, the quickest way to “get rid” of feelings is to name them and feel ‘em.)

5)   Re-Frame Your Thinking: Instead of what you were thinking, ask what would you like to think. Pick a positive thought that’s the opposite of the thought you started with. For example:  Instead of “those idiotic drivers” I could choose to reframe it as “those drivers that are probably just as much in a hurry as I am.”

tatra-mountains-zakopane

May 04 2010

Addicted to Envy?

EnvyI received a Facebook announcement that a colleague of mine was going to be on TV in San Francisco. My stomach clenched with a jealous pang. My first thought wasn’t “Good for her!” It was: “That should be me.” Well, it has been – I’ve been on TV- but in that uncomfortable moment of envy, any success I’ve had in the past was completely forgotten as negative emotions overcame me. And, though I sent an email and said “Good for you,” I didn’t completely feel it. I took a few breaths, realized I had been sideswiped by envy, went into the emotion instead of avoiding it and soon was able to let it go.

negative thoughtsWe’ve all had those moments where one thought like the one I just shared takes us into a negative spiral that is hard to recover from. It’s common knowledge that we have approximately 60,000 thoughts a day and most of them are habitually negative. BUT, most of us don’t connect our thoughts to our feelings. The key to living JOYFULLY is to become aware of the normal human emotions of anger, sadness, fear and guilt that are constantly running through us and to know HOW to move into them safely. One of the paradoxes of the human condition is that the quickest way to rid of a feeling is to feel it.

12surfer.xlarge1For anyone with addictive issues, the downward spiral of thoughts and emotions can lead to relapse. I’ve noticed the most happy people in recovery have strategies to deal with the emotional ups and downs of life. LIFE happens – it’s how we grow – but that doesn’t mean we have to suffer. Suffering comes when we avoid or resist how we feel. Pretty simple and with practice we become more comfortable knowing that going INTO and riding the wave of our emotions leads to feeling better than complaining about them or blaming someone else.

(Next time:  7 Simple Steps to Feel Better Fast)

Apr 27 2010

Stress: Do One Thing Different

(Note: I took a 2 week vacation in February and the blog went on hiatus until now.  I’m back, and just like you, dealing with change, the economy, work, and the ever present demands of life.)

busy-peopleCan stress be addictive? What do you think? We get used to a certain level of pushing and making things happen. Stress becomes a comfort zone, of sorts. Uncomfortably comfortable. We hate it, but don’t know how to BE in life unless we’re running. We may feel bored, or out of sorts when life slows down or there’s some space. We look for ways to fill the emptiness rather than allow ourselves to replenish, let the body and our mind slow down and RELAX. Eckhart Tolle defines stress as “being here, but wanting to be there.”

When I’m speaking to groups I ask a stress assessment question: “On a scale of 0-10, with 10 being high, how stressed do you run on average?” If there are thirty people in a room, about a fourth will raise their hand to being at an 8 -10 range. I encourage you to check your average stress level right now and take a BREATH.

In the early 90s I taught lunch-time stress management classes to companies like Levi Strauss. One of my co-presenters was a Chi Gung master. During his presentation he would explain to the audience that stress is exponential, not just cumulative. This is why it’s so important to have true down time where the body is able to relax, restore and replenish. Yet, how many Americans take a two-week vacation? Most don’t and I’m talking about before the economic changes.

bodystress_21During the 90s people were stressed, but I’ve noticed a new level of intensity since the development of the internet, cell phones, texting and the belief that we need to be “plugged in” all the time.

While stress may not be a true addiction, think about the things or activities you use to cope with stress? These guilty pleasures, or “lite addictions,” run the gamut from the daily coffee fix, to a couple hits of pot to unwind, to hours on Facebook, or TV. These distractions temporarily make us feel better, but do nothing to CHANGE the situations we’re dealing with or our expectations of ourselves. Awareness is the first step to change. If your average stress level is running an 8-10, what’s ONE thing you will do different? Do it today.

take-action-now

Feb 09 2010

Addicted to War: “War is a Drug”

thehurtlockernuevoposter“The rush of battle is a potent and often lethal addiction, for war is a drug,” from author Chris Hedges’ 2002 bestselling book War is a Force That Gives Us Meaning.  In the movie, “The Hurt Locker,” Jeremy Renner’s character is a soldier who becomes addicted to the adrenalin rush of defusing bombs in Iraq.

The consequences of his addiction are loss of connection to his fellow soldiers, his wife and young son, and a recklessness with his own life and with the safety of those under his command.

afghanistan_warIs our world addicted to war? Yes…and we can’t or won’t stop to consider other possibilities despite the consequences. In fact, a conversation about other possibilities never comes up for debate in Congress. To say NO to war has become synonymous with weakness. President Obama just asked Congress to approve another $700 billion for the war in Afghanistan. But the cost is more than the dollars spent in the Middle East. For every soldier lost, wounded or returning home with an injured body, mind and spirit, millions more are spent on rehab, therapy, disability and the lost dreams of another wounded young person.

theworldOne definition of addiction is the loss of control over how much or when to use a substance or a behavior. An addict is someone who can’t stop their behavior even when it’s causing serious consequences. We are a country and a world in denial. As an addiction specialist, I know that often denial can only be broken by an intervention that clearly, firmly and lovingly states the problem, the consequences and the course of action necessary – get into treatment or else.  When will the world decide to break out of the addiction to war? When enough individuals have healed the terrorist within – when enough of us have let go of the ego’s addiction to fear and made the higher choice for love.

Jan 21 2010

Amazon Bestseller Launch Crisis & Learning

I’m diverting from my usual addiction focus to talk about the Amazon Bestseller Launch of last week and what I learned from it.

amazon_logoMy dad had a saying, “no harm, no foul.” He was a man afraid to take risks and he used that phrase both in kindness to others and to avoid conflict. I’m also afraid to take risks, but I’ve learned to push through the fear and take action anyway, and I’m not afraid of conflict. Thank you Dad.

The Amazon Bestseller Launch of Jan 12, 2010 was a bit of a crisis. My goal was to move Intentional JOY: How to Turn Stress, Fear & Addiction into Freedom into the top 10 ratings for that day. Did we accomplish that? No. In fact, only about 6 sales registered with Amazon for the day. However, through technical magicianship by Virtual Assistants Karen and Carrie, we ended up selling the equivalent of 90 books through my website.

It was a nightmare of a day yet I’m proud of how we all handled the challenge. Instead of freaking out (as I might have done a few years ago, or running to some addictive activity),  the three of us pulled together and figured out what could be done to save the day and make sure people got their bonuses from the sponsors and were able to purchase books if they wanted to through my website  (www.lynntelfordsahl.com).

robert-kiyosaki-and-bookRobert Kiyosaki, of Rich Dad, Poor Dad fame, says that too often we’re afraid to make mistakes.  My greatest learning has come from the mistakes I’ve made in life and I’ve made some doozies.

My coach, Jan B. King, of eWomen Publishing, called to express sympathy about the launch and to encourage me to do it again; now that I know what and how to do it. I couldn’t think of that last week … perhaps in the fall.

Risk - jumpingWhat I learned from the Amazon experience is that taking risks is how we stretch, that when working with a large, non-vendor friendly company to make extra sure of the details, to appreciate the importance of self-care – breathe baby breathe – and to be grateful for all who participated – from customers to sponsors.

From one of my favorite authors:

“The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing and becomes nothing.  He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn and feel and change and grow and love and live.”

Leo Buscaglia, 1924-1998,  Living, Loving and Learning