“The rush of battle is a potent and often lethal addiction, for war is a drug,” from author Chris Hedges’ 2002 bestselling book War is a Force That Gives Us Meaning.  In the movie, “The Hurt Locker,” Jeremy Renner’s character is a soldier who becomes addicted to the adrenalin rush of defusing bombs in Iraq.

The consequences of his addiction are loss of connection to his fellow soldiers, his wife and young son, and a recklessness with his own life and with the safety of those under his command.

Is our world addicted to war? Yes…and we can’t or won’t stop to consider other possibilities despite the consequences. In fact, a conversation about other possibilities never comes up for debate in Congress. To say NO to war has become synonymous with weakness. President Obama just asked Congress to approve another $700 billion for the war in Afghanistan. But the cost is more than the dollars spent in the Middle East. For every soldier lost, wounded or returning home with an injured body, mind and spirit, millions more are spent on rehab, therapy, disability and the lost dreams of another wounded young person.

One definition of addiction is the loss of control over how much or when to use a substance or a behavior. An addict is someone who can’t stop their behavior even when it’s causing serious consequences. We are a country and a world in denial. As an addiction specialist, I know that often denial can only be broken by an intervention that clearly, firmly and lovingly states the problem, the consequences and the course of action necessary – get into treatment or else.  When will the world decide to break out of the addiction to war? When enough individuals have healed the terrorist within – when enough of us have let go of the ego’s addiction to fear and made the higher choice for love.

I’m diverting from my usual addiction focus to talk about the Amazon Bestseller Launch of last week and what I learned from it.

My dad had a saying, “no harm, no foul.” He was a man afraid to take risks and he used that phrase both in kindness to others and to avoid conflict. I’m also afraid to take risks, but I’ve learned to push through the fear and take action anyway, and I’m not afraid of conflict. Thank you Dad.

The Amazon Bestseller Launch of Jan 12, 2010 was a bit of a crisis. My goal was to move Intentional JOY: How to Turn Stress, Fear & Addiction into Freedom into the top 10 ratings for that day. Did we accomplish that? No. In fact, only about 6 sales registered with Amazon for the day. However, through technical magicianship by Virtual Assistants Karen and Carrie, we ended up selling the equivalent of 90 books through my website.

It was a nightmare of a day yet I’m proud of how we all handled the challenge. Instead of freaking out (as I might have done a few years ago, or running to some addictive activity),  the three of us pulled together and figured out what could be done to save the day and make sure people got their bonuses from the sponsors and were able to purchase books if they wanted to through my website  (www.lynntelfordsahl.com).

Robert Kiyosaki, of Rich Dad, Poor Dad fame, says that too often we’re afraid to make mistakes.  My greatest learning has come from the mistakes I’ve made in life and I’ve made some doozies.

My coach, Jan B. King, of eWomen Publishing, called to express sympathy about the launch and to encourage me to do it again; now that I know what and how to do it. I couldn’t think of that last week … perhaps in the fall.

What I learned from the Amazon experience is that taking risks is how we stretch, that when working with a large, non-vendor friendly company to make extra sure of the details, to appreciate the importance of self-care – breathe baby breathe – and to be grateful for all who participated – from customers to sponsors.

From one of my favorite authors:

“The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing and becomes nothing.  He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn and feel and change and grow and love and live.”

Leo Buscaglia, 1924-1998,  Living, Loving and Learning

Are “lite addictions” guilty pleasures or a true addiction? Let me make a distinction. A true addict is someone who has lost the choice about how much or when to use and is having health, relational or money problems. If this is you, please seek professional help.* “Lite” addictions aren’t full blown addictions. There is still choice about whether to have, or not, the 2^nd glass of wine, or the 3^rd toke of pot.

Here’s how the progression of addictive choices works:  Tired and stressed, Sally used to have a mocha latte once a week as a reward for a hard week completed. She liked the sugary, caffeinated rush, and began to not only look forward to, but crave her weekly shot. Progressing from a weekly pleasure to a “have to” daily, now if she doesn’t have her caffeine fix she feels depressed. She also feels guilty about weight gain and has trouble sleeping, but doesn’t make the connection between those symptoms and the coffee she’s consuming. The problem with “lite addictions” is that the more we use them – the more easily they become habits. And, habits can become addictions depending on our family history and genetics. In a sense, we’re training our brains to rely on unhealthier forms of stress relief.

The solutions to stress, anxiety and the problems of life are not external (take another pill, build a bigger home, buy a better car) and because of the economy this option is less available today. I’m not saying it’s bad to indulge in guilty pleasures occasionally. One key to preventing those “lite” addictions from progressing is to stay aware and to practice healthier stress relieving strategies. Body-mind strategies, such as conscious breathing, (take a few deep breaths…ah…), Emotional Freedom Technique (www.emofree.com or the book Intentional JOY), or imagery help break the habits of stress and connect with a more satisfying place within ourselves.

When we consciously and deliberately take charge of stress and anxiety we have the ability to choose whether to have that glass of wine, enjoy a yoga class or take a fun walk with friends. As we take charge of stress pro-actively we create more JOY, satisfaction and freedom for ourselves, our families and by extension the world. (*FREE 7 ½ audio tips To Turn Stress into JOY at www.lynntelfordsahl.com) *professional help includes 12-step programs, counseling, in or out-patient treatment – see yellow pages or ask your Human Resources department.

Celebrity Obsession: Get a Life!  The Newsweek cover story is about the celebrity culture and “Why We Can’t Look Away.” Neal Gabler, the article’s author, writes that a celebrity “is a person who is known for his well-knownness.” Well, duh. Since the time of the silent movies, Americans have become ever more focused on being entertained. Now, Gabler considers it the new art form. Unfortunately today’s titillation has a cynical, nasty tone that’s far different from the adulation of the early movie stars.

There is a natural fascination with the illusion of “everything is wonderful” that we project onto stars like Brad Pitt or Angelina. Who doesn’t want to escape their problems for a few moments with harmless fantasy? The problem is that like any obsession that becomes addictive, it is only a temporary distraction from our own misery, problems, stress or boredom.

Why are we so addicted to Tiger Woods and celebrity gossip? Drew Pinsky’s book, The Mirror Effect describes celebrity addiction as a “tendency to obsess over damaging celerity stories and to try to solve our problems the way celebrities do.”  Psychology Today tells us: “…with respect to Tiger Woods or any other celebrity, the public desire to put them on a pedestal to attain almost God-like status and then participate in anguish, pity or loathing when they fall, seems to have less to do about the celebrities, and more to do with the mental states of those that allocate them celebrity status.” (http://tinyurl.com/yao49yp)

One of the conditions of addiction is that tolerance develops. For an alcoholic, tolerance means it takes five drinks instead of two to get the same buzz. For celebrity addiction, it means a continual upping of the search for the new rush fed by 24/7 access to the drama/trauma of the famous. My recommendation is to remember the term “moderation,” get help to wean yourself from celebrity addiction if necessary and learn to focus on becoming the star of your own life.

Tiger, testosterone and power.  Like so many before him, Tiger succumbed to the potent duo of testosterone and power. We all have a potential dark side, so it shouldn’t be any surprise that like Tigers’ ego, drive and determination, his shadow is just as big.

Tiger’s talent and the media have made him into the perfect God of golf. But he’s as mortal as any other sports hero, rock star, or politician that has caved to the pressure or run after the ever-present array of women throwing themselves after these guys. (Women groupies are another story.)

Talking with my workout girlfriends last week I asked them what they thought about the news of Tiger’s fall. Debbie said that no matter what he does in the future, all his successes are now tainted by his failure to keep it in his pants. Sandra, more compassionately mourned for his lost childhood; a childhood spent at the golf range and that now, finally, he’s rebelling.

Is Tiger addicted to women or sex? Who knows and, except for the fact that he is in the public eye, it’s none of our business. As an addiction specialist, I think it’s a sad and repetitive story that to balance out all the glory and pressure of success, the fragile and very human ego seeks self-destructive behaviors.

In order to not only get his family back, but keep them, it’ll be important for Tiger to deal with the what was really driving his behavior. I hope he’ll dedicate himself to the inner work he needs to do to balance out the years of career focus. A lesson learned too late by so many is that the addictive high of the glitz and the glory can’t make up for the self-respect and value of loved ones.

Do stress and anxiety make us addictive? Stress and anxiety are at the highest levels I’ve seen in 30 years and cause a vulnerability to addictive escapes. The economy is a big driver, but it’s exacerbated by the amount of change and loss occurring – job, home or illness, and the fact that we’re not taught how to take care of ourselves in pro-active and loving ways.

Escapes do sort of work – a glass of wine (or 3 or 4) or a hit of pot, or shopping and certainly food, can distract us from life problems, but don’t solve them. If you find yourself relating, take a breath, and try to be nonjudgmental. I’ll talk about solutions in part two, but here are the top 3 Lite addictions, or guilty pleasures, people use to cope with stress or anxiety.

Shopping: MyVesta, a web-based financial health center, found that 49% of survey respondents overspent. Experts say 5% of the U.S. population could be full-fledged compulsive shoppers.

Internet porn: Robert Wise, of Sexual Recovery Institute, Los Angeles, says 40 million Americans watch porn during a year and 10% to 15% of those are clearly addicted. Porn is a $13 billion industry in the U.S

and $100 billion worldwide.

Overeating & Fast food: In 1970, Americans spent $6 billion dollars on fast food while in 2001 more than $110 billion was spent. Obesity affects about 30% of the population.

You might wonder: “If I run to the shopping mall or eat at McDonald’s when I’m stressed, does that mean I’m an addict?” Probably not. Doing pleasurable things for stress relief is natural. The difference between healthy & addictive is answered by these questions: 1) Is my shopping (or whatever I’m using for stress relief) causing problems in my relationships? Am I lying about how much I spend or in debt over my head? 2) Is my behavior making me feel guilty? 3) Is the shopping, alcohol or prescription medications, causing me to miss work, or have money problems?

As Eckhart Tolle, author of The Power of Now says, “Things and conditions can give you pleasure, but they cannot give you joy.”

In Part Two you’ll find easy to learn body-mind strategies to shift stress & emotional upset quickly.

P.T.S.D. Kills – And Love Heals.  Post-traumatic stress disorder kills, and love can certainly heal. We at home can only imagine what traumatic experiences led to the expression on this soldiers face. What isn’t so easily seen is how this soldier will cope over the long-term with the pain he’s carrying, or which loved ones in his life could be collateral damage. One in five soldiers will come home from Iraq or Afghanistan suffering with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. PTSD can show up as anything from panic attacks, flash backs, insomnia, depression to nightmares, or all of these. “Trauma has been defined by experts as a perceived life-threatening event in which our ability to respond is inhibited and the meaning we create about it damages our ability to connect with ourselves or with others,” reports Peter Levine in Healing Trauma.

Our soldiers (and many of us civilians) are suffering from what Francine Shapiro (trauma expert and originator of EMDR – eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) calls the big “T” events like war, abuse, or severe car accidents. Big “T” traumas are more visibly damaging and PET scans show where in the brain trauma shows up and as healing occurs how it lights up a different area.

How does love heal? Imagery based therapies (EMDR, Emotional Freedom Technique, Guided Imagery) “increase serotonin levels in the bloodstream and heighten the feelings of love, gratitude and connection.” (Belleruth Naparstek (Invisible Heroes: Survivors of Trauma and How They Heal). Love is the ability to connect with self and others from the heart (care, compassion, kindness) and heals the internal war that PTSD creates.

I’ve used Emotional Freedom Technique to clear and heal shame from my own childhood abuse that years of talking therapy didn’t relieve. I’ve taught Imagery and EFT to hundreds of clients individually and at workshops. I particularly like EFT because once it is learned the client has a strategy they can employ outside of the therapists office anytime they’re emotionally overwhelmed, are having nightmares, or flashbacks.

(for more info about EFT www.emofree.com or Intentional JOY: How to Turn Stress, Fear & Addiction into Freedom)

Americans are addicted to fear and here’s one story about why. A cute, athletic teen was running near her home. She noticed a car following a short distance behind her. As she paused to look at the car, three scary looking men got out and started after her. She ran around a corner and hid, then went to a neighbors and called 911. The police apprehended the men – all registered sex offenders. How often does this type of event happen? Not nearly as much as the media would have us believe. Bear with me for a moment and read to the end to find out if this story is true or not.

When we hear a story like the one above, we extrapolate to all the dangerous things that could happen to our children or our loved ones. James Breckenridge, a professor of psychology at Stanford University, says that… “negative information is stickier because the brain pays more attention to anything that appears threatening.” What we don’t focus on are all the safe children. From a positive view of this situation, this young woman knew what to do. She was aware of her surroundings and she immediately sought help. Carrying a cell phone is an extra precaution.

“If it bleeds, it leads” headlines encourage us to believe that we live in a much more dangerous world than ever before. In our current “Culture of Fear,” as the author Barry Glassner states, the average person believes crime has increased in the U.S., while it actually plunged in the 1990s and is today about where it was in the 1970s.

The new brain science demonstrates that the brain’s neural pathways are stimulated by repeated emotions. The more we feel afraid, stressed, or sad, the more susceptible we become to those states.  Over time these feelings become habituated.  Much like the alcoholic who can’t stop drinking, the news or drama/trauma junkie, gets a sort of high.

What’s the solution? Awareness and retraining our attention to seek out the positive. The above story is true and happened to a young teen in Stanislaus County. As a child of 7 I was molested by a stranger in my neighborhood. What research shows, is that most children are hurt not by strangers, but by people they know. In the 60s we weren’t taught about how to protect ourselves. Fear serves a purpose when it’s protective without limiting our ability to trust and connect. Our greatest power is CHOICE and awareness is the first step.

Michael Jackson died from addiction. But he also died because no one in his circle could say “no” to him. Certainly his doctor was unable to say “no.” Jackson died from years of escalating abuse of prescription medications. One morning, one shot, one pill too many and on that particular day his system had had enough and went into arrest.

Jackson’s addiction and death is sad for millions, but no more sad to me than my mother dying of cancer due to her cigarette addiction. Or my brother, who in four years has gone from middle-class salesman and homeowner to homeless meth addict. Or my sister, who has been in or out of alcoholism for years. I have said “no” to giving money except for food, to letting my brother live with me once he’d relapsed, to my mother taking care of my child when she was drinking. I know it’s not easy, I’ve been there. What’s most difficult is to say that no with love and compassion. Minutes ago I got to exercise a loving “no” with my sister. Sober yesterday, we planned a movie afternoon. Drinking today, I sadly declined as I choose to not be around her when she’s doing so.

Addiction is not just to the hard stuff, but to what I call the “lite” addictions and what Steve Bhaerman refers to as “weapons of mass distraction.” We seem to need a buffer between ourselves and the stresses and upsets of daily living. Anything from hours of TV, to cruising through the fast food drive-in on the way to Starbucks, with a few hours of shopping to top it off. We Americans love our distractions, temporary though they may be. But, take a breath, (one of my favorite buffers) because JOY and freedom are available to create a pause button to “lite” addictions with easy to learn body-mind strategies that I’ll be sharing in the weeks ahead.

Breathe, smile & choose JOY,

Lynn